the star

what the star reminds us when we’re tired of pushing and ready to soften

the star is one of my most favorite cards.

it reminds me that everything is going to be okay. my favorite conspiracy theory is everything is going to be okay. i love those memes. they break me out of my mind. they shock me back into the present. i spend too much time in my head. it’s not a nice place. your mind is not your friend.

the star isn’t reactive. she’s responsive. i have spent the majority of this year dwelling on the difference. i made the most headway realizing i needed to stay within my body. i’m used to my mind. i can direct immense focus and willpower through my intellect. i can grasp a seemingly impossible goal, create a plan, and execute it with simple steps each day, each week, each month. suddenly, what i longed for is in my grasp.

and then it’s onto the next. and the next. and the next.

when i progress through a plan, i’m often reacting to the world around me. my hands go clammy at a big event with important people in attendance. my heart hammers if i’ve missed an email or a deadline. a cold sweat breaks out across my neck if i miss a single item on a checklist numbering in the 60s. at the end of the workday, my brain is sluggish and dull. my heart? what about it? it’s turning stale in the corner, a forgotten loaf of once warm, homemade bread.

the star doesn’t feel this way. she’s moving through the river, bending to pour water back and forth. she’s not a source of power. she’s merely a channel. she understands it’s not her place to tell the river what to do. when the river swells after a storm, she retreats to safety. when the riverbed is exposed in the hot summer, she only bends for polished stones until the sun becomes too hot. she responds to her environment accordingly. she imposes no will on it. she only changes her actions to suit the current conditions.

we are not taught this. we’re taught to push through. to conquer. to bend the river to our will. to turn ourselves into machines that run on productivity and cortisol. but The Star reminds me: you are not here to be efficient. you are here to be alive.

she says, come back to yourself.
she says, you don’t have to earn peace.
she says, it’s okay to stop striving. just for a moment. just long enough to feel the water again.

i think that’s why she still breaks me open. because she doesn’t offer a solution—she offers a soft place to land.